People I Think Most Definitely Came Out of The Closet This Year Without So Specifically Opening the Door:

  • Rob Thomas - married to a super model but singing lyrics such as "I don’t want to be lonely no more" and updated his rocker image to one more suitable for Chelsea Piers.

  • Big & Rich (country duo) - images straight out of Colt porn and a song called Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) and the text from the beginning of their online biography reads John Rich looked at Big Kenny. Big Kenny looked back at John. This happened a couple of years ago, early on in a strange and wonderful musical odyssey. Sure sounds gay to me.

  • Jodie Foster - her character name in Panic Room 2, oh I mean Flight Plan is Kyle. She’ll be Flock of Seagulling her hair by end-of-year.

  • R. Kelly - produced a melodramatic "hip h-opera" entitled Trapped in the Closet (Chapters 1-5). In which he sings all the parts, including a married man coming out to his wife and wife’s lover (supposedly Kelly’s character). Additionally, ladies and gentleman, I believe anyone into golden showers is into it with anyone willing, man or woman.

  • The Publicity-Stunt-Damage-Control Twins
    Tom Cruise and Kenny Chesney - One was smart and contracted out his love interest role. The other got his bird to fall for him, "fraud" and square. Anyone this public about anything is GAY!

  • Vicente Fox - He is thinking to himself "donde está mi tiara y boquet de rosas?"

  • Canada - America's new Gay Drain

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