The Yoko Diaries

Over my weekend, I got a call from Yoko Ono wanting to meet and spend the day together. So, we met up for lunch. We went to Eatery on 53rd and Ninth. Yoko is so cool, we had a table in the back and listened to the new Common CD on her I-pod. It was produced by Kanye West, by the way. She is a big fan of Kanye, especially after his comments at the Hurricane Katrina Relief Concert.

She repeated,
"George Bush hates Black people."

then added "and Asians." I think she was thinking of when George Bush the First vomited on the Japanese Prime Minister, Kiichi Miyazawa, in 1992. Parents often perpetuate racial hatred in their kids at a young age just through their own actions and words.

Otherwise, she has been talking up Tasti D-Lite for a while now and she finally took me to one after lunch. New York's #1 Favorite Dessert? Um, let's bring on the pint of Ben and Jerry's, Yoko, and then you'll taste a #1 good dessert.

I told her:
"I think you'd like Cherry Garcia."




Lavanderia

Last night, I did a months worth of laundry (minus work clothes). The Lavanderia is across the street; in fact Katie (my roommate) and I have used my bright yellow you-know-I'm-gay-because-my-binocs-are-bright-yellow binoculars to see if it was busy or the hours of operation listed on the window.

So, I drag my stuff over there, towels and bathroom mat and all, and immediately notice that prices have gone up fifty cents. I am being priced out of doing my laundry! Since I have so much this time, it takes two mid-sized machines: $6.00!

As I wait, I read The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger. I definitely recommend it! I tune out the Telenovelas except for two times when it sounds like porn. I look up at the television the first time and it does look like porn, the second time someone is getting murdered.
Who knew that sex and murder sounded so similar?

I rotate everything to the dryers. I go about reading the book ignoring all the families and screaming kids.

I finish, pack everything back into their bags and leave to return to my apartment and fold it all.

The Unveiling

Biscuit Likker is an absolute must read. In fact, if you have to make a choice between my blog and Peggy Jean's blog, please choose hers.

I am proud to say she is my friend.

A great dinner party "ice breaker" I have found in my travels is to go around the table (or floor) and tell stories about your host/ess regarding your first meeting, or a funny occurrence, etc.

So, since I have eaten many a Peggy Jean meal (jealous, bitches?!), Waiting to Derail will revere the great Woman behind the new addition to this thing called the "blogosphere":

Peggy Jean and I met when I was just an egg of a gay man, patiently awaiting my fertilization and growth in the Gardens of Palm Beach. I would watch and listen, bright eyed and bushy tailed as my father liked to say, to the party going-ons and conversations arising about leather and wildlife. I would partake in the delicious food and meet intriguing and thought-provoking people.

She is an Artist, a Chef, and now she reveals a Writer, too. She knows her vernacular and wields it triumphantly in everything she does.

When I think of people I look up to and respect, my heroes if you will, I think of those that I have learned from the most.

Peggy Jean, from you I learn simply by watching.

Thanks

Subway Conversations

A young hispanic couple on the 1 train takes a break from making out:

The young man takes a sip of Dasani bottled water.
"Man, this water is so good and smooth, it is like God's Saliva."

People I Think Most Definitely Came Out of The Closet This Year Without So Specifically Opening the Door:

  • Rob Thomas - married to a super model but singing lyrics such as "I don’t want to be lonely no more" and updated his rocker image to one more suitable for Chelsea Piers.

  • Big & Rich (country duo) - images straight out of Colt porn and a song called Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy) and the text from the beginning of their online biography reads John Rich looked at Big Kenny. Big Kenny looked back at John. This happened a couple of years ago, early on in a strange and wonderful musical odyssey. Sure sounds gay to me.

  • Jodie Foster - her character name in Panic Room 2, oh I mean Flight Plan is Kyle. She’ll be Flock of Seagulling her hair by end-of-year.

  • R. Kelly - produced a melodramatic "hip h-opera" entitled Trapped in the Closet (Chapters 1-5). In which he sings all the parts, including a married man coming out to his wife and wife’s lover (supposedly Kelly’s character). Additionally, ladies and gentleman, I believe anyone into golden showers is into it with anyone willing, man or woman.

  • The Publicity-Stunt-Damage-Control Twins
    Tom Cruise and Kenny Chesney - One was smart and contracted out his love interest role. The other got his bird to fall for him, "fraud" and square. Anyone this public about anything is GAY!

  • Vicente Fox - He is thinking to himself "donde está mi tiara y boquet de rosas?"












  • Canada - America's new Gay Drain

Tentatio Rodent

Waiting to Derail has been struck by Terrorism once again. As many of you read in July, I was the victim of a suicide-biting cockroach. This time, the Terrorist is still on the loose and considered highly dangerous.

At 2:00 A.M. Thursday morning, I walked across the apartment from my room to the bathroom, opened the door and was assaulted by a mouse. The medium-sized rodent caused panic and disorder while trying to take me hostage. After the failed kidnap-attempt, the mouse fled the scene.

The suspect is believed to be Joselinda Weisenstein, a radical rodent who is a top officer in the Muris-haad. Weisenstein is a high ranking official, second only to the Muris-haad Commander, Ernesto Wolfowitz. Muris-haad has taken responsibility for the Plague and the downfall of Sandra Bullock’s career.

Several videos have been obtained by Al-Mousera Television detailing several Terror plots involving more kidnapping attempts and aiding in the destruction of more celebrity careers.

Please, if you see something, say something. Metro-Grand (the apartment) is enacting several Homeland Security measures to prevent further attacks, but we will need all eyes and ears for maximum security.

Thank You, Terry Richardson: A Waiting to Derail Weekend Extra


As I begin my weekend (Wednesdays are my Saturdays), let's take time to thank Terry Richardson for taking two hot photos of Jake and Johnny.

The Knoxville pic is my new desktop background.

Missing

A mistake has been made. Minor in the grand-scheme-of-things sense. I deleted my profile photo with the intention of posting another one.

However, when told to "Add Photo by Editing Profile" you are only taken to the profile editing page with the link to Hello and Picasa which don't help at all and send you in a circle repeating the same thing, but not actually providing an answer.

Funny thing is that I had to have done all of it before as I HAD posted a the original profile photo!

So, no photo for jamesdamian at Waiting to Derail. Que lastima!

How will I keep the throng of people crushing on me via my blog coming back if there is no glamour shot of yours truly? How?

I need help! I need suggestions or some tekkie-nerd help. (Not to be confused with Trekkie-nerd help).

The Junkie's Tale

Perhaps you have gone to dinner or you are running errands during the day when you see him. Sickly and pale. Gaunt and haggard. About 23 years old but he looks like he is a dying man at fifty.

He is the Heroin Junkie.

He asks for money...
"Can I have a dollar?"

And when refused develops attitude...
"C'mon you can give me a dollar...how 'bout a quarter?"

I make sure he hears my no, that he knows it is not ok to come any closer.

I know he will ask next time he sees me.

The Williamsburg Tales

Kellogg's Spare Some Change Girl

I met her when I started working. She is small, white, and wearing clothes you would probably see on anyone going about their daily duties; jeans, blouse or t-shirt, tucked in.

I would go into the Kellogg's Diner to get a Coke and a breakfast bar. Every day she is there asking people for money as they come and go from the store and the Lorimer L stop.
"Can you spare some change?"

And if you just ignored her and continued into the store, she would say,
"Maybe on your way out."

I always think that is such a polite thing to say.

These Are The People In My Neighborhood

The Redemption Song Man

Get on the L Train in the evening and you will see this man. He isn't homeless. He is always clean. Never foul smelling.

He is a thin black man. About five foot nine inches. In his thirties, somewhere.

"Excuse me ladies and gentleman for the interruption. I would like to sing a song for you."

Sometimes he goes on to intro the song, making it seem more profound.

"We live in hard times and this is just to let you know to keep your head up."

and he begins...

"Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery..."
He is good, well practiced. If it is your first time, you want to give money to him because you are entertained and it is well deserved.
Then, a few nights later, you see him again. Singing still the same...
"Won’t you help to sing these songs of freedom?"
...redemption songs...
...redemption songs...

I really would like The Promise Ring to come out with a new album.

Friday

Starting today, Tuesdays are my new Fridays.

My schedule is now Friday through Tuesday.

I look forward to having two weekdays off when no one else is around.

seven things


seven things you plan to do before you die:
one) buy a house or two
two) legally marry the man i love (please inquire if interested)
three) go on many vacations
four) love
five) live
six) forgive
seven) retire

seven things you can do:
one) socialize with ladies who lunch (after all, it is my job)
two) glue and draw and other stuff i learned in college
three) flirt with absolutely anyone
four) make a mean mix cd
five) say the right thing
six) phone sex
seven) be aloof

seven things you can't do:
one) fly on gossamer wings
two) walk on water
three) wear my sunglasses at night
four) line dance
five) eat ceasar salad
six) women
seven) deadly sins

seven things that attract you to the same sex:
one) head of dark hair
two) hands and feet
three) masculine features
four) intelligence and wit
five) full lips and a nice smile
six) inches or more
seven) i like big butts and i cannot lie

seven things you say most:
one) “fuck yo couch”
two) “holla…”
three) “…and what not”
four) "that guy was just checking me out"
five) "i’ll cut you!"
six) "oh my lordness"
seven) "florida"

seven celebrity crushes:
one) johnny depp
two) johnny knoxville
three) wes bentley
four) jake gyllenhaal
five) eric bana
six) ryan reynolds
seven) chris carrabba (from dashboard confessional)

seven people you want to take this quiz:
one) anyone who has a desire for it
two) the above listed crushes
three) andy warhol
four) weddings and a funeral cast and crew
five) people with phobias to prime numbers
six) geese a laying
seven) the seventh son of a seventh son